Have you ever been through a topsy-turvy patch in your relationship? Were there times when you felt strong negative emotions for your partner? The answer to this is almost certainly yes.
Every relationship has downtimes. Even if you were dating a legit mail order bride online, there are times when your emotions would run low. It happens to the best of us.
The fact that you have had periods where you disliked the one person you love doesn’t mean that you are in a love-hate relationship. So, how do you tell that you are in a love-hate relationship, and how do you react if you find yourself one?
Love-hate Relationships and How to Identify Them
A love-hate relationship is any relationship characterized by regular, abrupt changes in the emotions of one or more partners towards the other. In these relationships, you feel liberated one moment, and the next, you’re gasping for a breath of fresh air. You’re exhilarated one day and depressed the next.
How do you know that you are in such a relationship?
If you have a rollercoaster of strong emotions, where one moment, you’re in love with your partner and the next, you hate their guts, then you could be in a love-hate relationship. It’s normal to dislike your partner occasionally. However, if this becomes a regular occurrence, it could damage your mental health and at the end of the day, you may just hate love relationships altogether.
Signs to look out for
A hate relationship is ridden with sudden and extreme shifts in polar emotions. This is usually the primary red flag, but it isn’t the only one. When love turns to hatred, other pointers you should be mindful of include:
- You have intense fights that usually lead to breakups. The breakups don’t last long, and inexplicably you always find a way back together.
- Many of the arguments get swept under the carpet without a resolution strategy to prevent a recurrence.
- The sexual chemistry is there, but when it comes to long-lasting commitments, you live in different worlds.
- You or your partner are always talking to their friends about you when you are not around. These discussions are mostly characterized by complaints and one party venting to their friends about their partner
- Every argument or fight has a clear ‘winner’ and a ‘loser.’
- You feel manipulated in the relationship and often find yourself doing things you aren’t comfortable with just to keep the peace.
- You have had more ‘make up sex’ than you can count within the past few weeks.
Do These If You Are In a Love-hate Relationship
If you recognize these signs, the good news is that there’s always a way out – literally. Your next steps should be to:
See if your partner feels the same way
Sometimes, your partner may not share these negative feelings you go through. It could be that they’re used to it or they think that these issues are normal in relationships. Talking to them will let you know what they feel about it all and help you decide whether to take a walk or try working on the relationship.
Decide if you’re working on it or ending things
Are you staying or leaving? Try to make this decision from a logical standpoint instead of an emotional one. Ask yourself why the relationship is worth saving and if you’re better off outside it. This isn’t the time to think about how your partner will feel about your decision. Writing out the pros and cons of either decision will provide clarity.
Leave if you must
If you decide to leave, see it through. Your partner may try to talk you out of it, and except you’ve not tried the talking approach before, you already know it won’t change much. Leave the relationship as peacefully as you can and take some time off to heal.
Communicate without apportioning blames
If you’re staying, then open yourself up to actively communicate with your partner. They should do the same too. Talk things through. Own up to your parts in the mess and find out where you both need to change, then create actionable plans to help you turn the ship around.
Talk to a neutral party
It helps to have the opinions of a third party in times like this. You want to open up to someone you can trust and at the same time, someone strong enough to tell you the cold, hard truth.
Heal and reconnect
After you’ve taken all the steps above, if you’re still in the relationship, then you should resolve to reconnect with your partner. Let go of the past and do things that improve the quality of the relationship. Flirt with each other, go on dates, rekindle the love and you may find renewed joy in your relationship.
Jamie Polsters is a relationship guardian working at YourMailOrderBride. He has been steadily dishing out solutions to couples for 15 years. He teaches men how to find a mail order bride and gives them step-by-step directives to help them find a bride. His teachings have helped many couples kickstart beautiful relationships and mend unstable ones.